literature

A Mean Poem

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Clevina's avatar
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Literature Text

When I complain about my grades
I don't care hearing about yours.
You say your grades are so much worse
But I aimed for much higher scores.

Why don't you tell me I have hope,
That I can do well if I tried,
Because when you complain to me,
What comfort can I provide?

I have come to expect less
Of you, and expect more of me.
But I can hardly say you're dumb
Though I think so when I'm unhappy.

So the next time I get bad grades
And come to you with tears and sighs
Tell me that I have some hope
Because for you there's no advice.
This poem is not meant to be taken seriously, so don't be offended for any reason... I wrote this poem about a friend after I got really bad grades on a chem test. I was really mad at that time, so, yeah. Even I don't even completely agree with what I wrote anymore! :XD:

If you read this, you know who you are, remember that I still love you. A lot. <3
© 2011 - 2024 Clevina
Comments3
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GraphiteColours's avatar
This is certainly an interesting premise for a poem - I admire how you've made it fiercely personal yet easy for the reader to empathise with at the same time. I noticed that you said in your comments that even you don't completely agree with what you wrote - and that's absolutely fine; for the purpose of this poem, you're the writer but not necessarily the narrator!

Although the structure is rigid and conformist, this seems such an intensely emotional poem that it might actually have worked much better had you let the words flow more freely in blank verse. At the moment, I keep experiencing the equivalent of a mental stutter when I try to read it out loud - there's some semblance of an iambic meter that doesn't quite work everywhere, which is a bit off-putting as it negates the force of the anger and the general feeling of injustice pervading the atmosphere of the poem.

Strangely enough, despite the fact that the narrator is clearly angry - perhaps even shouting at - someone, I think the reader actually feels a more intimate connection by the use of personal pronouns! That being said, however, the subject of this poem is both its strength and weakness. I hope I'm not offending you by saying this, and I know it's not a poem that's supposed to be taken seriously, but in contrast to its intimate nature, it at times feels almost petulant. Words such as "dumb" and "bad grades", and even the title itself, just seem frivolous and I can't quite decide if it's more childishly charming or detrimental to the general tone of the poem.

I have to admit, this is actually quite a difficult poem to break down and analyse. In terms of literary devices and the like, there isn't really any strong use of language or imagery. To conclude, though, I think you can write much better than this - that other poem of yours was a much stronger effort and whilst I like the raw emotion here, I definitely feel that - given more work and practice - it could be much more refined.

(P.S. Again, just keep in mind that this isn't actually concrete poetry...)